I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
