you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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