"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
