i just wanna soil my oats bro
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
