my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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