Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize