:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
