I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
