so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
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high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
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And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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