when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
