One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
