And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
