im gay
i know
yea but for you.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
