Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
