Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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