How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
