Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
