she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sobbing to NWA
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
