im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just cropdusted the office
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
