take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
