also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
