she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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