What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
