***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
