I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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