apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
