So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
