i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
