Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
