Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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