We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
