Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
worst night to have a conscience
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
