Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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