what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
