They should really pass out barf bags in church
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
