Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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