I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
