You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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