i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
