Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Randomize
