theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
