Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize