Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
