i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
