I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
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