he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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