How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
