If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
