so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
