Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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