Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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