Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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