i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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