no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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