I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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