everyone is single if you try hard enough
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
