just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Sext me about skeletons
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
