About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
