Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
