home. puking in laundry basket.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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