The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
either way he was missing a nipple.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize