The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
