Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
This is my gift to your gina
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
