just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
