Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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