What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
