Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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