I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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