Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
