So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
