i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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