He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
