mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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